The Witches Mountain (1972)

I had so much trouble following this movie and it terrified me for a brief moment at the end. More about that later.

Some lady comes home and finds a wig with a knife in it on the ground. And there's her cat under the covers of her bed, dead and bloody. And then some little girl shows up and they quarrel. And the the garage bursts into flames and we get the title screen!

Suddenly we get two totally unrelated people. Mario the photographer, with his amazing mustache, and his girlfriend or something. She wants to patch things up and Mario does what people do in that kind of situation and right in front of her face gets on the phone and furiously demands his boss to send him on some photo shoot. Take that, commitment! You'd only get in the way of my roaming photographer lifestyle baby!

Mario meets a girl on a beach, takes her photo without asking but is way too manly and cool to lie about it when she confronts him. He makes up for it by asking her out on a date, which she accepts. Then we get about sixty minutes of them driving around, getting their car stolen, staying at an old castle with some crazy old lady, etc.

Mario is the kind of guy who doesn't take none of that hocus-pocus superstition bullshit. When weird stuff happens, he always tries to rationalize it. As he says, "everything has a rational explanation." Everything.

This is the kind of movie where the protagonists are constantly splitting up for no reason. Every time either one of them needs to go do something they completely insist on doing it alone. And every time either of them go alone to do something, it always ends up with someone having hallucinations or something and passing out in the wilderness for hours. They keep doing this over and over! I know that sounds awesome but trust me... the whole middle sixty minutes is like a blur to me.

Look, I can't explain this movie to you. There is no plot per se and nothing happens, except for the very beginning (which has nothing to do with the movie) and very end (which is just something suddenly happening to our heroes involving witches on a mountain). There is a part where the camera lingers on this thing like it's some big revealing twist or something but damn it I couldn't even recognize what it was, but it was really scary!

I think that is a good way to describe this whole movie. The intro made absolutely no sense to me until I watched it again in hilarious fast forward mode so that everyone sounded like chipmunks. Even then, I'm not sure what causes the garage to explode, but it was really funny. I looked it up and people are saying that the woman douses the whole place in gasoline but when?

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