Creepshow 2 (1987)

Creepshow 2 is the extremely inferior sequel to the awesome horror anthology flick, Creepshow.  Unlike the first movie, which contained five stories in just about two hours, a star-studded cast, brilliant direction by George A. Romero, an atmospheric score, and charming animation spots here and there... Creepshow 2 has three stories at just over 90 minutes, a cast of nobodies (with the exception of George Kennedy and Dorothy Lamour), pedestrian direction by a guy, a score that makes everything even worse, and horrible animation that goes on too long and looks like it was outsourced to starving kids in third world hellholes chained to animation desks in the basement.

In the first story, "Ol' Chief Woodenhead," nothing happens for five hours, and then a wooden statue kills three guys in five seconds while buttrock plays in the background THE END.

In the second story, "The Raft," a bunch of kids go to the titular raft and are eaten by a sentient oil slick.  Nice touch: the part where the "hero" just decides out of nowhere to molest his friend's girlfriend while she is sleeping (!), even though his friend/her boyfriend and her friend/his girlfriend were just hours ago eaten horribly (!!) by an oil slick that is right beneath their raft (!!!).  Our hero!

In the third and final story, "The Hitchhiker," a lady runs over a guy over and over for 20 minutes while a guy goes NEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW on his electric guitar whenever something "extreme" or "scary" or "stupid" happens. When the guitar guy gets tired of quote-unquote shredding, some guy starts playing music that old people probably consider to be "funky." Good gory effects on the hitchhiker, though.

I first watched this movie as a kid on HBO at a friend's house, and even then I knew that "Ol' Chief Woodenhead" was lame.  "The Raft" terrified me then, and it's still a scary little story.  I liked "The Hitchhiker" much much more when I was a kid, and now I just find it to be tedious.  The less said about the animation parts, the better.

Worth watching for the "Raft," but be sure to bring a crossword puzzle or something for the rest of the movie.